


The Good, The Bad, And The Dirty: A Group Chat Fic

by tearinmyarc



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Daddy Kink, Frerard, Getting Together, Group Chat Fic, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Not Much Plot TBH, brallon, dadlon, dallon is a dad, everyone is doing these so i thought i would join in, gerard is lonely, group chat au, imagine that frank and mikey are best friends and they're younger than everybody, joshler - Freeform, let's fucking riot, maybe college, ninety percent of this them talking about sex, partay, patricks fedora, they're in high school i guess, whoops
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-23
Updated: 2017-09-25
Packaged: 2018-09-01 15:18:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 11,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8629219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tearinmyarc/pseuds/tearinmyarc
Summary: Brendon is a smart ass. Dallon is a dad. Pete is punk rock. Patrick is adorable. Josh is a dork. Tyler is a tiny bean. And Gerard hates his friends.





	1. The English ASSignment

**Author's Note:**

> I can't stop reading these group chat fics so i decided to write one.  
> also just incase you couldn't figure it out here is a list of the names:  
> actioncat - Gerard Way  
> spookyjim - Josh Dun  
> beebo - Brendon Urie  
> tyty - Tyler Joseph  
> patrickstar - Patrick Stump  
> peter - Pete Wentz

_actioncat has added spookyjim, tyty, DalPal, beebo, peter, and patrickstar to the group chat_

 

actioncat: hey guys i really need help on this assignment for english

 

spookyjim: whats it about ??

 

patrickstar: is it the paper about who inspires you most?

 

beebo: just write about me

 

actioncat: yes pat

 

actioncat: no brendon

 

spookyjim: u should totally write about one direction

 

tyty: JOSH NO

 

spookyjim: excuse me they are very inspiring

 

peter: yeah maybe for 12 year old girls

 

beebo: pete we were all 12 year old girls once

 

DalPal: What is going on?

 

beebo: WHHO IS THTA

 

actioncat: hey dallon I was trying to get help on the english assignment but these losers aren’t helping much

 

spookyjim: SUPPP DALLON MY BRO MY BROSPEH MY BROMIGO

 

DalPal: Oh hey Josh.

 

beebo: wait dallon like dallon weekes ?? that tall drink of water?

 

DalPal: Yes I am Dallon Weekes. I don’t know about any water though.

 

beebo: hey boi how you doin?;)

 

DalPal: Um… I am fine thanks for asking.

 

actioncat: GUYS I NEED HALP

 

DalPal: You could write about The Smiths.

 

actioncat: DUH

 

actioncat: thank you dad

 

beebo: more like thank you daddy #amirite

 

actioncat: brendon stop

 

tyty: I thought it was clever beebo

 

beebo: thank you tyjo

 

tyty: us #daddykink lovers gotta stick together

 

spookyjim: tyler u told me to keep that a secret ???

 

tyty: nevermind

 

spookyjim: good save

 

DalPal: I have no idea what any of that means.

 

 

 

 


	2. Three Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so dumb but it was a lot of fun to write

beebo: dallon you should sit with us at lunch today

 

DalPal: Ok, sure.

 

beebo: $wag

 

actioncat: did you really just say swag. Please tell me it was an ironic swag

 

beebo: it was an ironic swag

 

beebo: OR WAS IT???

 

actioncat: die

 

_actioncat changed his username to gway_

 

peter: gerard why did you change your name to gway that’s so boring

 

gway: sound it out pete. what do you hear

 

gway: and peter isn’t boring???

 

_peter changed his username to peter69_

 

peter69: is that better

 

peter69: I still don’t get it

 

spookyjim: oooo I get it

 

patrickstar: pete babe come on

 

beebo: im not surprised he doesn’t get it

 

tyty: OH I KNOW I KNOW

 

gway: tell him ty

 

tyty: ITS SOUNDS LIKE THREEWAY

 

gway: correct

 

peter69: that’s fuckin dumb

 

gway: fuck you

 

gway: I bet you don’t even 69 peter

 

patrickstar: wouldn’t you like to know :P

 

beebo: they don’t

 

peter69: brendon I swear to god if youre looking in my window again I will murder you

 

beebo: that’s a secret best kept between me and your bushes

 

patrickstar: BRENDON

 

peter69: BRENDON

 

tyty: BRENDON

 

gway: BRENDON

 

spookyjim: BRENDON

 

DalPal: Brendon

 

beebo: hey that me

 

beebo: so who would you three way with gee

 

spookyjim: probs me and ty cause who wouldn’t

 

tyty: thats tru

 

tyty: this is not an invitation

 

gway: um I don’t know actually

 

beebo: i would three way with joshler

 

spookyjim: we know

 

tyty: how could we forget the day you walked in on us and immediately started stripping

 

spookyjim: both iconic and terrifying

 

beebo: ;)) ;);) ;;)));)

 

peter69: I bet its that tiny frank guy and whats his face that one that follows him around all the time

 

gway: PETE THAT’S MIKEY THAT’S MY BROTHER

 

peter69: so that’s a no?

 

gway: YES IT’S A NO

 

peter69: if you had another brother you could actually have a three Way

 

peter69: get it

 

peter69: a three way with three Ways

 

gway: that’s it im gonna murder you

 

patrickstar: ill help

 

tyty: that’s a good pun tho pete

 

peter69: at least someone appreciates me

 

DalPal: I’m assuming that the table with all the screaming is where I should be headed.

 

patrickstar: that is correct

 

DalPal: I’m assuming that the guy on the table yelling “WHERE IS DALLON?” is Brendon.

 

patrickstar: that is also correct

 

DalPal: Ok, I am on my way (no pun intended). Please stop yelling about three ways and incest.

 

peter69: yeah that’s not happening anytime soon


	3. Get That Ass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my family used to call Taco Bell Taco Hell but i think its a lovely place

DalPal: That was very entertaining.

 

patrickstar: which part

 

patrickstar: gerard strangling my boyfriend or the random high school musical sing along

 

DalPal: All of it.

 

beebo: we are The Turn Up Table

 

tyty: were all in this together dallon

 

spookyjim: WHAT TEAM ??

 

tyty: WILDCATS

 

spookyjim: WILDCATS GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME

 

beebo: id like to get my head in dallon’s game

 

spookyjim: that’s just disrespectful to the good name of troy bolton

 

DalPal: What does that even mean?

 

beebo: will he ever understand me

 

spookyjim: hopefully not

 

spookyjim: he just wants to play GTA dal :)

 

beebo: yeah if GTA stands for Get That Ass

 

tyty: good one

 

patrickstar: I honestly can not believe some of the shit that comes out of brendons mouth

 

beebo: I guess you could say..you are in awe of what my mouth can do

 

patrickstar: no I would not say that

 

DalPal: You wanna come over after class? I have grand theft auto 5.

 

beebo: HELL YA

 

DalPal: Josh you wanna come?

 

beebo: josh cant come hes busy

 

beebo: right josh

 

spookyjim: sure brendon…

 

spookyjim: actually me and ty are going to taco bell

 

tyty: i need me some baja blast

 

patrickstar: me and pete are coming

 

tyty: ok but no yelling about incest

 

tyty: taco bell is a sacred place do not spoil it with your sinning

 

patrickstar: ill try my best to keep that sinner in check but it is extremely hard sometimes

 

peter69: my neck hurts

 

gway: GOOD


	4. Sneky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i h8 u means you are my friend and i love you but i also hate you

peter69: guys lets go spy on bren and dal

 

gway: brendon would be so pissed

 

patrickstar: would serve him right

 

peter69: tru

 

spookyjim: dal lives by me lets go

 

gway: oh no no I am not being dragged into this

 

spookyjim: but gee :(

 

gway: i would like to not have my ass handed to me thank you

 

gway: im a pacifist

 

patrickstar: you strangled pete like 4 hours ago

 

gway: yeah but he deserved it

 

patrickstar: tru

 

peter69: shhhh

 

peter69: we have to be stealthy

 

tyty: that might be kinda hard to do when half of the group has bright ass dyed hair

 

peter69: excuse

 

spookyjim: i thought u liked my bright ass hair :((

 

tyty: I love your bright ass hair but its pretty noticeable

 

spookyjim: ok tru

 

spookjim: alright everyone super sneky were gonna crawl under the window

 

peter69: tyler your hand is on my ass

 

tyty: sorry i was reaching for joshs

 

peter69: you missed

 

patrickstar: aww look their thighs are touching

 

patrickstar: aww now brendons hand is on dallons thigh

 

patrickstar: aww now dallon is holding his hand

 

patrickstar: aww now theyre making out

 

patrickstar: oh god brendon doesn’t mess around does he

 

peter69: i can literally see him trying to shove his tongue down dallons throat

 

spookyjim: wait why did they stop

 

beebo: YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES I KNOW YOURE OUTSIDE I CAN SEE PATS FEDORA

 

patrickstar: oh fuck

 

peter69: I told you not to wear the hat babe

 

spookyjim: that was def not sneky

 

gway: damn it pat why the fedora always the fedora

 

patrickstar: I REFUSE TO LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT IT ITS MY SOULMATE

 

peter69: hey

 

patrickstar: you are too :)

 

beebo: I AM COMING OUT THER AND KICKING ALL UR ASSSESSS

 

tyty: you better not touch joshs ass that’s my ass

 

DalPal: Brendon is storming out of my room. What just happened?

 

spookyjim: hey dal were totally not outside ur window so don’t even look

 

DalPal: I can see your fedora Patrick.

 

Patrickstar: gotta blast!

 

spookyjim: uh guys here comes bren we should probs start running now

 

peter69: THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR PEEPING ON ME AND PAT

 

beebo: YOUFUCKERS RUINED MY MOVVE

 

spookyjim: im pretty sure u made ur move just fine

 

DalPal: I can confirm Josh’s statement.

 

tyty: aww you guys were so cute with your tongues down each others throats

 

DalPal: Hey thanks Tyler.

 

tyty: <3

 

beebo: STOP RUNNING AWAY YOUSHITS

 

beebo: you fuckers just wait til tomorrow

 

beebo: youre asses are grass and im the one mowing

 

gway: I h8 u guys


	5. Dadlon The Dick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i like to imagine that dallon has a dirty twisted mind he's just really good at pretending to be a normal civilized human being

beebo: guys dallon is a dick

 

DalPal: That’s not very nice. I don’t think I will meet up with you before school after all.

 

Beebo: wait no im sorry I need those lips before i face the harsh reality that is school

 

spookyjim: actually brendons right dallons a dick but hes a secret dick

 

spookyjim: hes such a nice guy you never realize when hes being a dick

 

DalPal: I have no idea what you are referring to. :)

 

gway: pls explain bren

 

beebo: he knew i was being raunchy

 

tyty: raunchy ;P

 

DalPal: I knew he was hitting on me. I wanted to see how long I could mess with him.

 

spookyjim: that’s so dallon

 

DalPal: That’s so me.

 

gway: wow you really do belong in this group chat full of sinners

 

beebo: jokes on you dadlon cause now im gonna be even raunchier

 

DalPal: Brendon, did you just call me dadlon?

 

beebo: yes cause youre a dad

 

beebo: you have the sense of humor of a dad and you are daddy

 

beebo: the ultimate dad

 

_DalPal changed his username to Dadlon_

 

tyty: you are our collective dad

 

spookyjim: dadlon can you drive me and ty to school today

 

Dadlon: Sure son.

 

beebo: you type like a dad too

 

Dadlon: Sorry I like proper punctuation.

 

gway: I am so ready for bren to kick all yo asses

 

beebo: oh they are gonna get it

 

beebo: I don’t know why youre so excited im gonna kick your ass too

 

gway: FOR WHY

 

beebo: you knew of their evil plot

 

gway: but I didn’t help :(

 

Dadlon: Bren lets just make them fight each other.

 

beebo: THAT’S GENIUS

 

spookyjim: DAD NO

 

tyty: dad why must you hurt us this way

 

tyty: josh protect me

 

spookyjim: nah babe its every man for himself in a fist fight

 

tyty: jishwa :((

 

spookyjim: im sorry bby I take it back

 

tyty: :) <3

 

peter69: me and pat are taking you all down

 

patrickstar: lets go after joshler first theyre wimps

 

spookyjim: HEY IM NOT A WIMP

 

tyty: im a wimp :(

 

spookyjim: that ok I luv u

 

peter69: nah lets go after gerard he strangled me yesterday

 

gway: aw come on todays a new day

 

peter69: im not over it

 

gway: FINE BRING IT ON YOU TWO PANSIES COULDN’T BEAT ME IM HARDCORE

 

peter69: well im punk rock so suck my dick

 

patrickstar: no that’s my job

 

beebo: dallon you lit this group chat on fire im so proud

 

Dadlon: Lets go make out.

 

beebo: HELL YA

 

beebo: SEE YOU OTHER FUCKERS AT LUNCH FOR FIGHT CLUB


	6. Jazz Cabbage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly i just wanted an excuse to write something that included the phrase jazz cabbage because i learned what it meant like two days ago  
> also people calling each other sinners is the best thing to happen in 2016

spookyjim: ugh god have you guys seen dallon and brendon today

 

gway: you mean brallon

 

spookyjim: nice

 

spookyjim: they wont stop kissing im gonna throw up

 

tyty: i think its cute

 

tyty: a little aggressive but cute

 

beebo: i think were hot

 

Dadlon: Ok Josh, but remember when you and Tyler got together. The whole school had to suffer for months.

 

beebo: ooo I like sassy dallon ;)

 

tyty: yeah and we were super cute

 

spookyjim: def way cuter than brallon

 

spookyjim: and classier geez

 

peter69: they kiss like theyre auditioning for a porno

 

beebo: maybe we are pete

 

peter69: I would probably watch that tbh

 

beebo: no youre not allowed

 

beebo: now I definitely want you guys to fight each other

 

patrickstar: no we have banded together and refuse to fight each other

 

beebo: are yall hiding where the hell are yall

 

gway: if you have to ask youll never know

 

Dadlon: Our school does not have a room of requirement so…?

 

beebo: i know where you are you snakes

 

spookyjim: HE FOUND US

 

patrickstar: oh my god did he really just jump over the librarian’s cart

 

tyty: that was pretty impressive not gonna lie

 

spookyjim: HAH HE GOT KICKED OUT

 

spookyjim: GET WRECKED

 

Dadlon: Alright that’s enough.

 

Dadlon: Brendon, your friends are happy for you. Friends, leave Brendon alone.

 

beebo: they better be

 

gway: dads right

 

peter69: i am happy for you and i hope you learned your lesson about looking in other people’s windows

 

patrickstar: of course were happy for you we just have to give you shit cause that’s what we do

 

spookyjim: ^^^

 

beebo: fine

 

beebo: I accept your statements and declare that you no longer have to fight

 

beebo: instead you all have to come to my house after school

 

spookyjim: will there be devils lettuce

 

beebo: josh what the fuck is that

 

spookyjim: jazz cabbage

 

beebo: WAT

 

spookyjim: weed dude

 

beebo: oh

 

beebo: yes devils lettuce/jazz cabbage for us sinners

 

Dadlon: Excuse me, I am not a sinner.

 

peter69: pretty sure if you make out with brendon you become a sinner by default

 

patrickstar: BOOM ROASTED


	7. Seventh Wheelin It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gerard needs some love  
> This chapter is nothing but Ways. I added Mikey. I think he's gonna come and go. Im not confident in writing him. let me know of any wrong doings.  
> also i can't help myself from turning every character into a dirty minded punk. I'm sure they all are anyway. i mean obviously i am since thats all i can write about HAH  
> Here's a name update just incase you need it:  
> gway - Gerard Way  
> peter69 - Pete Wentz  
> Dadlon - Dallon Weekes  
> milkyway - Mikey Way

gway: hey guys I know youre all high as balls but come on

 

gway: please

 

gway: YOURE ALL JUST MAKING OUT WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO

 

gway: I mean I appreciate the show but

 

gway: wow guess ill just sit here…

 

gway: alllll byyyy myyyysellllffff

 

gway: don’t wanna be allllll byyyyy myyyselllfff anymore

 

_gway added milkyway to the group chat_

 

gway: mikey I need entertainment all my friends are making out with each other

 

milkyway: uh excuse me

 

gway: they all got high and now theyre all making out

 

milkyway: what we talking bout here? like everyones making out together or they paired off

 

gway: does it matter. either way im still alone and bored

 

milkyway: yes it matters I need the mental picture

 

gway: theyre paired

 

milkyway: nice

 

milkyway: whos with who

 

gway: you are such a little perve

 

milkway: pls :(

 

gway: its josh/tyler patrick/pete and brendon/dallon

 

milkyway: aw brendon and dallon are together now how nice

 

milkyway: and hot

 

gway: this is not entertaining thanks for nothing mike

 

milkyway: anytime

 

milkway: hey you know frank my bffl

 

gway: you mean the midget that’s at our house 24/7

 

gway: yes I know of him

 

milkway: he thinks youre hot

 

gway: WHAT

 

milkyway: I thought you should know

 

milkyway: half the time he only comes over to stare at you

 

gway: …

 

gway: interesting

 

milkyway: I give you permission to hit it

 

milkyway: but only if u end up dating forever and ever cause hes a sensitive little flower and also my best friend

 

gway: no pressure or anything

 

milkyway: best of luck;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just imagine gerard sitting on a couch by himself staring at his phone while the other couples are surrounding him on all sides aggressive making out


	8. Pete the Punk Rock Romantic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> petes a romantic at heart

tyty: hey frens have you heard that song sex and supersmash bros

 

tyty: its about having sex and also playing supersmash bros

 

spookyjim: sounds like an average Friday night #amirite ty

 

tyty: more like sex and me beating josh at supersmash bros

 

spookyjim: why tyler why

 

tyty: luv u

 

milkyway: the one by KYLE? i love that song

 

tyty: yes ! 

 

tyty: oh hello btw im tyler

 

milkyway: hi tyler! im mikey. gee’s brother

 

beebo: hi im brendon im sorry I refer to you as the small one. franks smaller than you

 

milkyway: wat

 

spookyjim: theyre both little

 

milkyway: hey ive grown a lot since last year im taller than gee now

 

gway: barely

 

beebo: hey remember when pete said gerard would have a three way with mikey and frank

 

milkyway: WAT

 

gway: BRENDON I TOLD U WE WERE NEVER TO SPEAK OF THAT AGAIN

 

beebo: :)

 

milkyway: im gonna pretend I didn’t read that

 

milkyway: what do yall talk about in this chat im concerned

 

Dadlon: You should be.

 

milkyway: omg hi dallon youre so cool

 

beebo: whoa whoa whoa back up squirt

 

beebo: hes mINE

 

Dadlon: I am pretty cool though.

 

beebo: yeah hes pretty cool and also MINE

 

Dadlon: :)

 

milkyway: omg hi dallon youre so cool and dating brendon urie.

 

milkyway: is that better

 

beebo: yes

 

patrickstar: has anyone seen pete

 

peter69: shhh

 

patrickstar: babe where are you

 

peter69: im undercover

 

peter69: im on a mission

 

patrickstar: should I even ask

 

tyty: pete i just saw you in the hall what you doin

 

patrickstar: i see you outside my class

 

patrickstar: if youre planning on coming in here please don’t

 

patrickstar: were testing

 

peter69: im doing it anyway

 

patrickstar: oh lord

 

patrickstar: PETER LEWIS KINGSTON WENTZ THE THIRD

 

patrickstar: HE JUST CAME IN HERE WITH A MICROPHONE AND RECITED A POEM HE WROTE ABOUT ME

 

tyty: aw that’s sweet

 

spookyjim: that’s the raddest show of love ive ever heard of

 

milkway: are yall even human

 

gway: no they are not

 

patrickstar: update: he was sent to the principals office and now everyone is staring at me

 

patrickstar: update: they are clapping

 

peter69: im so punkrock

 

patrickstar: I hope you get detention

 

patrickstar: but that was really sweet and youre gettin some tonight

 

peter69: punkrock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t2rsaZGh1YA  
> ^ the sex and supersmash bros song just incase you needed to hear it


	9. Smoothies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is too much I'm so sorry  
> i won't blame you if you stop reading after this lol

gway: are we not gonna address the fact that pete is a third

 

peter69: no we are not

 

gway: lewis kingston

 

peter69: its tradition ok

 

gway: peter lewis kingston the third

 

peter69: fuck you

 

beebo: peter just embrace it

 

beebo: my middle name is boyd

 

beebo: brendon boyd urie

 

beebo: beebo urie

 

peter69: nerd

 

beebo: alright well fuck you I was tryin to help

 

Dadlon: Brendon lets go get smoothies. You know…since we don’t have detention.

 

beebo: OH SUCK IT WENTZ ROASTED BY THE DADLON

 

patrickstar: sok ill get you one pete

 

peter69: thanks fedora boy

 

patrickstar: three hours ago you were spouting romanticism out your ass and now youre calling me fedora boy

 

patrickstar: forget the smoothie pal

 

patrickstar: and getting some

 

peter69: im sorry I didn’t mean it they were ganging up on me I got too heated

 

patrickstar: I forgive you

 

patrickstar: but you have to promise to never call me fedora boy again

 

peter69: I promise

 

peter69: fedora boy

 

patrickstar: PETE

 

peter69: ok for real I promise now

 

tyty: josh im so glad we aren’t this dysfunctional

 

spookyjim: me too tiny bean

 

tyty: tiny bean ? >:(

 

spookyjim: tiny bean does the scream

 

spookyjim: just trying it out I take it back

 

tyty: eh I dont mind it that much

 

_tyty changed his username to tinybean_

 

spookyjim: :)

 

tinybean: if you ever call me tiny bean during sex ill disown you

 

spookyjim: ok but you cant call me jishwa anymore its too cutesy it freaks me out

 

tinybean: ok daddy

 

spookyjim: TYLER THIS IS NOT THE PLACE

 

tinybean: ok daddy

 

spookyjim: BYE

 

tinybean: bye daddy

 

beebo: ok so im going to get a smoothie now please stop flaunting your ability to use daddy kink im #triggered

 

Dadlon: You have to have sex to use daddy kink Brendon.

 

peter69: im not sure who that roasted more, brendon or yourself

 

Dadlon: Its an easy problem to fix.

 

beebo: *GASP* dallon I never knew you felt this way

 

beebo: i dare say he wants my body gents

 

beebo: take me lover im yours

 

Dadlon: Be there shortly my prince.

 

peter69: prince?? HAH

 

gway: yall are so open about your sex lives who are you

 

patrickstar: are we still getting smoothies or ?

 

beebo: NOPE

 

Dadlon: busy

 

spookyjim: GET SOME DALLON THAT’S MY BOI

 

peter69: omg dallon didn’t use proper punctuation or a capital letter

 

patrickstar: wow

 

patrickstar: damn I really wanted a smoothie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i tried to give the interaction between bren and dal at the end a kind of dumb romantic novel kinda vibe  
> maybe like a southern woman and the rich guy in town who wants to have his way with her  
> idk if that came through but it made me laugh either way


	10. The Turn Up Table

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im preparing myself to enter frank into the chat  
> I've been watching mcr interviews for three days straight  
> just bear with me

gway: hey mikeys gonna sit with us at lunch today

 

milkyway: franks coming with

 

gway: oh no

 

milkyway: just be normal please

 

gway: how can I be normal with this newly uncovered information

 

patrickstar: what newly uncovered information

 

gway: yall missed it cause you were all MAKING OUT WITH EACH OTHER AND IGNORING ME

 

patrickstar: sorry ?

 

milkyway: franks got a crush on gerald :)

 

milkway: he thinks hes hot:)

 

milkyway: he wants geralds body:)

 

spookyjim: whos gerald

 

gway: me dumbass

 

spookyjim: oh

 

spookyjim: OH

 

tinybean: well this should be interesting

 

peter69: what are we the match making table now

 

tinybean: yeah basically. thats how me and josh got together too

 

beebo: an invitation to The Turn Up Table results in getting a boyfriend

 

Dadlon: This has proven to be true.

 

spookyjim: aw ty you were so cute and quiet

 

spookyjim: what happened

 

tinybean: i let you get in my pants

 

spoookyjim: thanks for that

 

tinybean: anytime

 

gway: ok were not gonna date calm down you guys

 

beebo: theyre not gonna date theyre just gonna fuck

 

gway: brendon shut your mouth and go back to your tall ass giraffe ass boyfriend

 

beebo: better than a short ass midget ass boyfriend

 

Dadlon: I might be tall but I am no giraffe.

 

gway: HES NOTMY BOYFRIEND

 

milkyway: not yet anyway

 

gway: mikey this is all your fault

 

milkyway: youll thank me at your wedding

 

gway: i swear if any of you say anything at lunch about me wanting to fuck or date him i will sneak into your rooms in the dead of night and punch you in the neck

 

peter69: that’s a pretty aggressive threat for someone who “isn’t gonna date him”

 

patrickstar: sounds to me like youve got a thing for him gee

 

gway: no youre all wrong and I h8 u

 

peter69: hmmmm

 

milkyway: gerard I know you talk to him when he comes over

 

milkyway: I have to go get frank out of gerards room allllll the time

 

gway: WE DON’T DO ANYTHING

 

gway: WE TALK THAT’S IT

 

peter69: hmmmmmmmm

 

gway: fuck you pete you wanna get choked again

 

patrickstar: no no no no no we are NOT going through that again

 

beebo: talking is the new fucking

 

gway: what does that even mean

 

peter69: guess we will just see what the truth is at lunch

 

milkway: oh youll see. its hard to miss

 

gway: bye everyone im moving to Canada to live with the moose…the mooses…the meese…idk what the plural version of moose is but im going to live with them

 

milkway: see you at lunch bro

 

gway: fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> will gerard still be alone?  
> will pete get choked again?  
> will tyler and josh ever stop talking about having sex?  
> log on and find out in the next chapter of The Good, The Bad, And The Dirty: A Group Chat Fic !


	11. The Bottom Life Chooses You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yayyy everyone say hi to frank he's all up in this bitch now

milkyway: oh. My. GOD.

 

peter69: wow i was not expecting that

 

patrickstar: such a small tiny little boy where did that come from

 

beebo: the small one has big balls

 

Dadlon: I’m rethinking my entire life.

 

gway: OK OK OK

 

gway: WHICH ONE OF U FUCKERS PUT HIM UP TO THIS

 

spookyjim: teehee

 

gway: oh joshua

 

gway: Oh joshUA

 

gway: OH JOSHUA

 

spookyjim: whats up gerard my good buddy ?:)

 

gway: youre dead

 

tinybean: aw come on gerard its just marker

 

tinybean: permanent marker:)

 

gway: frank iero has my name in a heart written on his forehead in PERMANENT MARKER

 

spookyjim: i didn’t even have to pay him he was excited to do it

 

tinybean: it was actually pretty cute

 

gway: fuck you guys

 

beebo: wow im impressed joshler

 

beebo: this is a brendon level prank

 

spookyjim: thanks man:)

 

peter69: I think the best part was gerards reaction

 

milkyway: I KNOW RIGHT

 

milkyway: he didnt say  A WORDDD and he got all red

 

gway: WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO SAY? HE HAD MY NAME IN A HEART ON HIS FOREHEAD

 

beebo: idk how bout “hey frank wanna bang sometime?”

 

gway: -_-

 

spookyjim: who do you think would bottom

 

beebo: it has to be frank right i mean hes so small

 

tinybean: hey thats bottom stereotyping 

 

gway: excuse

 

peter69: gerards gonna be the bottom

 

gway: pete im literally so close to choking you again

 

tinybean: its ok gerard its not bad being a bottom

 

gway: thanks for the reassurance tyler (this is sarcasm)

 

tinybean: >:(

 

spookyjim: ty hes just upset because he was publically embarrassed

 

milkyway: honestly idk who would bottom

 

milkyway: lets find out shall we

 

_milkyway added franknbeans_

 

milkyway: hey frank

 

franknbeans: where am i

 

gway: GOTTA BLAST

 

franknbeans: is that gerard

 

gway: no

 

milkway: yes

 

franknbeans: hey:)

 

gway: BYE

 

franknbeans: :(

 

beebo: hey frank if you and gerard were to sleep together who would be the bottom

 

franknbeans:….

 

franknbeans: doesn’t it have to be me cause im tiny

 

beebo: that’s what I was thinking

 

spookyjim: idk gerards kinda bottomy

 

franknbeans: ???

 

spookyjim: you know with the occasional lipstick and the nail polish and the pretty face

 

beebo: yeah that’s tru josh hmmm…

 

franknbeans: I think you guys are getting a little far ahead but thanks for the concern ?

 

tinybean: you don’t choose the bottom life the bottom life chooses you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is such a mess


	12. Parenthesis Equal A Sidebar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having a fun time

franknbeans: so who all is in this chat

 

milkway: all of gerards emo friends

 

beebo: hello this is brendon and dallon is my boyfriend

 

franknbeans: um ok

 

Dadlon: Hello. I am Dallon, the aforementioned boyfriend.

 

tinybean: yes I am tyler

 

tinybean: ignore brendon hes just excited cause hes finally getting some

 

beebo: and don’t you forget it buddy

 

franknbeans: that’s nice

 

spookyjim: josh

 

franknbeans: hey josh

 

spookyjim: sup brah

 

patrickstar: patrick

 

peter69: and pete

 

peter69: and excuse me i am no emo i am punkrock

 

franknbeans: how punkrock are you

 

patrickstar: he buys his cologne from hot topic

 

peter69: its called bonedaddy

 

_peter69 has changed his username to bonedaddy_

 

beebo: i could make a joke here but ill just leave it up to your imagination

 

bonedaddy: haha brendon very original

 

bonedaddy: like we haven’t heard four hundred daddy jokes already

 

Dadlon: You rang.

 

beebo: OHNSGJAORIGHOIAREGIJI FUCK YES

 

Dadlon: ;)

 

bonedaddy: jesus

 

gway: hey

 

milkyway: HEY GERALDS BACK

 

patrickstar: just in time we were talking about daddies again

 

gway: nevermind i take back the hey

 

tinybean: gerard I missed you

 

gway: hey ty I missed you too

 

tinybean: us bottoms gotta stick together #amirite

 

gway: nevermind i h8 u

 

spookyjim: frank and mikey barely know us we need to initiate them

 

bonedaddy: ONE OF US ONE OF US

 

beebo: lets have a party *insert evil smirk here*

 

milkyway: the evil smirk makes me nervous but im in

 

beebo: *evil smirk intensifies*

 

franknbeans: im always down for a party

 

franknbeans: live fast die young bad girls do it well

 

gway: only if this get together doesn’t result in me sitting by myself while the rest of you fuckers make out again

 

franknbeans: aw:(

 

beebo: you wont be alone this time youll have frank

 

franknbeans: ill keep you company gerard

 

beebo: yeah he will ;)) ;););;;))

 

milkyway: and me :)

 

Dadlon: I’m making the party playlist.

 

spookyjim: OOOO i wanna help !

 

Dadlon: Come over afterschool.

 

spookyjim: ok dalpal

 

_spookyjim has changed his username to djspookyjim_

 

tinybean: oh no not again

 

tinybean: dallon please don’t let him add any one direction

 

djspookyjim: but tylerrrrrrrrrrrr

 

Dadlon: I will try my best.

 

djspookyjim: (but youre gonna let me add at least best song ever right)

 

Dadlon: (Of course buddy.)

 

djspookyjim: (;))

 

tinybean: you know I can still read that right

 

djspookyjim: respect the parenthesis tyler

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you don't get the bone daddy thing its from a fall out boy interview where pete says he's a thirty year old man who buys cologne outta hot topic and its called bone daddy  
> watch your interviews people


	13. Get Shreked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone i know this update is short but the next two weeks are gonna be really busy and stressful for me because of school, family, etc. so bear with me. I'm not gonna be able to update as often but I'm still planning on working on this and ill be free to write as much as i want once the two weeks pass!

tinybean: should I learn to play bass guitar

 

djspookyjim: yes:)

 

Dadlon: It’s super fun Ty.

 

tinybean: DAD u play bass?

 

Dadlon: Yeppers!

 

tinybean: ok im gonna do it

 

beebo: hes really good

 

bonedaddy: uh hello

 

patrickstar: petes really good too

 

franknbeans: BASS OFF

 

bonedaddy: im gonna stomp you weekes

 

Dadlon: Bring it.

 

beebo: lets make it interesting

 

beebo: loser hosts the party

 

bonedaddy: fine by me

 

bonedaddy: cause im gonna win

 

bonedaddy: get ready to get wrecked you giant

 

franknbeans: get ready to get SHREKED

 

spookyjim: good one frank

 

beebo: eh I wouldn’t be so sure pete

 

beebo: dallon has some talented fingers ;));;))) ;)

 

bonedaddy: whats a matter dallon?? you scared? gotta have your boyfriend talk you up

 

Dadlon: No, I’m just not threatened by you so I didn’t dignify your “trash talk” with a response.

 

beebo: OOOHHHHH GOT HIM

 

patrickstar: this is gonna get ugly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stick around for the bass off and the party. pats right its gonna get ugly;))


	14. The Bass Off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! i have returned to bring you another chapter of this perverted insane mess ! I've finally got some free time over the next few days so I'm gonna try to update frequently again because I'm still having a lot of fun doing this. thanks for sticking around! and now the long awaited and ridiculously unlikely bass off...

Dadlon: We gonna do this or not Wentz?

 

bonedaddy: on my way to the music room right now weekes

 

djspookyjim: emos assemble!

 

gway: my money is on pete

 

Dadlon: Thanks for your continued support Gerard, my good buddy.

 

gway: im sure you are very good dallon but ive seen pete rock a bass and im scared for you

 

patrickstar: he gets really into it

 

patrickstar: its really hot

 

beebo: ok but have you seen dallons hands

 

patrickstar: his hands??!??!

 

beebo: YES HIS HANDS UNNNNGHH

 

patrickstar: whats wrong with you

 

beebo: stop kink shaming me pat

 

tinybean: i get it bren josh has very attractive hands

 

djspookyjim: im not sure what qualifies as attractive hands but thanks

 

bonedaddy: IM HERE

 

bonedaddy: WARRIORRSSSS COME OUT TO PLAAAYYYYY

 

milkyway: pete looks very intimidating im scared

 

patrickstar: you should be

 

beebo: alright here we go

 

beebo: BRING IT ON U LITTLE PUNKROCK BITCH

 

djspookyjim: oh dang pete is startin strong

 

djspookyjim: look at that spin move

 

gway: he better stay strong if he loses i lose

 

tinybean: ???

 

gway: i bet frank that if pete wins he has to jump in dallons pool fully clothed at the party

 

franknbeans: and if dallon wins gerard has to take me to petes party ;)

 

tinybean: aw i hope dallon wins

 

tinybean: oh damn he just might he is strumin the hell outta that bass

 

tinybean: dad youre so impressive

 

milkyway: this is like that scene in scott pilgrim

 

milkyway: pete is scott and dallon is the vegan guy

 

beebo: WE ARE GONNA WIN SUCK IT PETERICK

 

patrickstar: you know what brendon i hope you fall off of that table and break your neck

 

beebo: that is so rude

 

beebo: im staying on this table until we WHOOP YOUR ASSES

 

patrickstar: guess youll be on that table for a while

 

beebo: i hope all your fedoras burn in a house fire

 

patrickstar: YOU TAKE THAT BACK

 

beebo: NEVER

 

tinybean: pete just kickflipped so I think he wins

 

beebo: BITCH YOU THOUGHT

 

patrickstar: THAT’S CHEATING YOU CANT DO THAT

 

milkyway: did dallon really just use his tongue how is that even possible

 

beebo: and that ladies is how you win a bass off

 

beebo: its also how you win in the bedroom ;));;) ;))

 

franknbeans: see you at 10 gerard:)

 

gway: *sweats nervously*

 

bonedaddy: FUCK

 

patrickstar: you did so good babe

 

patrickstar: we never saw this coming

 

bonedaddy: im not even that mad

 

bonedaddy: dallon pls teach me your ways

 

Dadlon: Of course young grasshopper.

 

Dadlon: But first, you must host an epic party.

 

bonedaddy: turn up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm like 90% sure that if this happened in real life pete would win because dallon would never participate in a bass off but in my world dallon wins because he's tall and a god in my eyes


	15. The Party Pt. 1 : Funky Tunes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its party time people! originally the party was one chapter but it was long so i separated it into two parts. enjoy!

bonedaddy: alright i have booze and an empty house

 

bonedaddy: let the party commence

 

djspookyjim: me and ty are on our way

 

tinybean: go faster

 

djspookyjim: do u know how hard it is to type and skateboard at the same time

 

djspookyjim: u being on the board isn’t really helping either

 

tinybean: I SAID FASTER

 

milkyway: gerard just left to pick up frank ;))

 

milkyway: wtf hes making me walk

 

gway: that’s what you get for instigating

 

milkyway: youll be praising my name tomorrow after you’ve gotten laid

 

patrickstar: get em mikey

  

bonedaddy: babe where are you

 

patrickstar: turn around

 

bonedaddy: GAHHHIEOWGN

 

patrickstar: hey:)

 

bonedaddy: why are we dating again?

 

patrickstar: i love you too

 

bonedaddy: everyones here but bren and dal

 

bonedaddy: where u at

 

beebo: sorry had to reward dallon for beating your ass earlier

 

bonedaddy: i don’t wanna know

 

Dadlon: He gave me a blow job.

 

bonedaddy: I SAID I DIDN’T WANT TO KNOW

 

Dadlon: It was a really good one too.

 

beebo: ;)

 

bonedaddy: please get inside before i decide to lock the door

 

djspookyjim: dadlon time to start up our funky tunes playlist

 

Dadlon: You got it buddy.

 

gway: funky tunes ? really?

 

djspookyjim: the funkiest

 

bonedaddy: everyone get in here were all taking a shot

 

bonedaddy: its mandatory

 

beebo: sign me the fuck up !

 

franknbeans: lets play spoons:)

 

gway: oh no i suck at that game

 

milkyway: lets play:)

 

beebo: once again, sign me the fuck up!


	16. The Party Pt. 2: A Hot Ass Mess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really excited for new years and all my excitement lead to this. i hope my new years is half as great as this party.

bonedaddy: no one is throwing up in my house you take that shit outside

 

bonedaddy: no one is fucking in my bed either keep ur dicks in your pants tonight gents

 

tinybean: good luck enforcing that rule

 

Dadlon: Your bed looks pretty comfortable Pete.

 

bonedaddy: DALLON I SWEAR TO GOD

 

patrickstar: guys the party just started can we at least wait until the end to make pete mad

 

patrickstar: you know, the usual

 

Dadlon: We wont have sex in your bedroom Pete.

 

Dadlon: But you didn’t say anything about the guest bedroom.

 

bonedaddy: DALLON

 

beebo: relax pete ill keep him in check

 

bonedaddy: yeah like i trust YOU to keep him in check

 

bonedaddy: you’re the most sex hungry person alive

 

beebo: *gasp* peter i never

 

milkyway: we have played a total of ten rounds of spoons and gerard has lost every single one of them

 

gway: I ToLD U I was BAD]

 

milkyway: how is it even possible to be this bad

 

djspookyjim: OHHH YEAHHHHH

 

patrickstar: joshua william dun you put that shirt back on right this instant

 

tinybean: DON’T LISTEN TO PAT

 

Dadlon: BEST SONG EVER

 

djspookyjim: AND WEDANCED ALL NIGHT TO THE BEBST SONG EVVVEERRR

 

tinybean: i cant believe you let him do this dallon

 

Dadlon: Are you joking youre basically drooling

 

tinybean: ok but did i ask

 

bonedaddy: when did josh take his shirt off and why is he giving tyler a lap dance

 

beebo: dal where are you i wanna suck face

 

Dadlon: how romantic

 

Dadlon: im watching josh make a spectacle of himself in the living room

 

gway: mikeyhey miky

 

milkyway: yes brother dear

 

gway: do U think fronk would gett mad ifi kiss em

 

milkyway: you know hes in this chat too right

 

gway: ohFuCK

 

_franknbeans changed his username to fronk_

 

fronk: i don’t think he would mind

 

gway: heythanks man

 

gway: wait

 

milkyway: jesus

 

patrickstar: PETTTTTTEEEEEEEE

 

bonedaddy: yes sugar honey bunch

 

patrickstar: dallon and brendon are making out in the kitchen and i cant get another drink :((

 

bonedaddy: one second my lovely red haired fairy

 

beebo: WHAT THE FUCKK PETE

 

bonedaddy: my baby cakes needed another drink

 

beebo: SO U PUSHED ME OFF THE STOOL

 

bonedaddy: dallon caught u what are u complaining about

 

Dadlon: alrightt alright that’s enough im pretty buzzed but im still your father so stop fighting

 

milkyway: this is a hot ass mess

 

milkyway: josh is giving tyler some sort of strip tease/lap dance, pats on the verge of tears in the corner, my bro and frank are missing, and brendon pete and dallon are either fighting or making out i cant tell from the noises

 

patrickstar: BABE WAIT FOR ME U PROMISEDIF WE EVER DID THAT WE WOULD DO IT TOGETHER

 

milkyway: im not even gonna ask

 

milkyway: has anyone seen gerard or frank ???

 

tinybean: i saw them heading outside together

 

milkyway: im gonna go spy on them

 

milkyway: URGENT UPDATE

 

milkyway: everyone stop your various heathen activities for this brief and important update !!!

 

milkyway: GERARD AND FRANK ARE MAKING OUT IN GERARDS CAR

 

milkyway: I REPEAT THEY ARE MAKING OUT

 

beebo: GET SOME G MAN

 

bonedaddy: now he can put those choking skills to good use

 

milkyway: am i the only one who is going to remember all of this in the morning

 

Dadlon: probly thank go d for the group chat #amirite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay gerard isn't alone anymore!  
> btw the spoons thing is based on an actual event. seriously how does someone lose ten rounds in a row ?


	17. The Feels Are Real

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i genuinely don't know where this came from  
> guess i felt fluffy today

gway: i just woke up in my car wth

 

gway: why am i in here

 

gway: why is frank in here

 

bonedaddy: guess we finally know the truth gerard

 

bonedaddy: you have a BIG FAT CRUSH ON FRANK

 

gway: DUH OBVIOUSLY

 

gway: but hes mikeys friend i didn’t want to come between them or something

 

gway: what did i do

 

milkyway: well last i saw u were sucking his face in your car

 

gway: shit

 

milkway: whats the problem here

 

milkyway: you seemed pretty into it last night

 

milkyway: your hand was up his shirt and everything

 

gway: youre not mad

 

milkyway: no dude ive been waiting for you guys to get together for a LONG ASS TIME

 

gway: well damn

 

gway: i wish I wouldn’t have done this drunk

 

beebo: speaking of things we wish we wouldn’t have done drunk…

 

Dadlon: BRENDON STOP PLEASE NO

 

beebo: dal confessed some secret feelings last night

 

Dadlon: brendon pleasssseeeeeee don’t.

 

beebo: feelings of LoooOOOOvvVVVEEE

 

tinybean: AAAAWWWWW

 

Dadlon: I take it all back. You’re a pain in the ass.

 

beebo: love you too <3

 

patrickstar: hey tyler is alive

 

tinybean: yes ??

 

patrickstar: i was concerned after you and josh sprinted out of the house and never returned

 

tinybean: pete said no sex in the house so we left

 

djspookyjim: told u guys one direction was inspiring

 

bonedaddy: that’s actually very respectful

 

bonedaddy: thank you tyler

 

djspookyjim: i wouldn’t thank him just yet

 

djspookyjim: we “sprinted” for reason

 

tinybean: don’t check the bathtub

 

bonedaddy: ITS FULL OF PUKE THE FUCK

 

tinybean: good party pete thanks for having us

 

bonedaddy: you guys are the worst

 

fronk: has gerard had a crisis about making out with me yet

 

milkyway: yes

 

fronk: damn I was hoping i wouldn’t miss that

 

bonedaddy: did you finally figure out who bottoms

 

gway: SHUT YOUR MOUTH PETE

 

gway: how did you know i was gonna have a crisis

 

fronk: because you kept saying “I shouldn’t be doing this” as you continued to put your tongue in my mouth

 

gway:….

 

gway: its because youre mikeys friend and ive always felt bad for being interested in you

 

fronk: i know you’ve felt conflicted

 

fronk: that’s why ive made it very clear that im interested

 

fronk: dude i wrote your name on my forehead in permanent marker

 

gway: welp

 

gway: mikey doesn’t care apparently

 

milkyway: nope

 

milkyway: im tired of the “he doesn’t like me oh maybe he does like me oh I shouldn’t” crap

 

milkyway: just fuck already

 

fronk: can u come back to the car now

 

gway: yes:)

 

gway: wanna make out sober?

 

fronk: yes please

 

tinybean: HURRAY

 

tinybean: THE FEELS ARE REAL

 

djspookyjim: everyones being so sappy today

 

djspookyjim: hey tyler wanna cuddle and watch a movie

 

tinybean: can we have sex first

 

djspookyjim: duh

 

patrickstar: the romanticism of my friends continues to astound me

 

bonedaddy: they cant all have punk rock poets for boyfriends babe

 

patrickstar: <3

 

beebo: can yall shut up im trying to have sex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO MUCH SAP WHO AM I


	18. This Shit is Bananas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SOOOOOOO SORRYYYYY !!! i was planning on using my christmas break to update a lot and then my freakin computer BROKE im so upset but thankfully my bro is letting me use his old one for now. i feel terrible you guys deserve better  
> but that being said this story has hit 1000 hits !! HUZZAH thank you guys for your continued support it means a lot.  
>   
> also this story has been translated into Russian thanks to batrinco  
> you can read it here: https://ficbook.net/readfic/5020649

milkyway: do you ever look at a banana and wonder what its like to suck a dick

 

gway: mikey really

 

gway: why are you this way

 

fronk: yeah sometimes

 

gway: oh

 

beebo: no

 

milkyway: really brendon you of all people dont look at a banana and wonder what its like to suck dick

 

beebo: i know what its like to suck a dick i dont have to wonder

 

Dadlon: You walked right into that one Mikey.

 

tinybean: dicks are not like bananas at all

 

tinybean: sadly

 

patrickstar: if a dick is like any fruit its like a squash or something

 

djspookyjim: ok first of all what

 

djspookyjim: and second of all WHAT?? ?

 

patrickstar: ok a squash is actually a fruit look it up

 

djspookyjim: no way

 

bonedaddy: hes right

 

milkyway: patrick are you a secret genius

 

patrickstar: why do you think i wear the fedora

 

bonedaddy: because its...fedorable

 

patrickstar: thanks pete :)

 

_patrickstar changed his username to fedorable_

 

Dadlon: Solid word play Pete.

 

fedorable: the fedora is the secret to my knowledge

 

fedorable: under the fedora lies the secrets to the universe

 

milkyway: whoa dude

 

beebo: so you got the answers to this chemistry test under there

 

fedorable: not for you

 

beebo: rude

 

gway: um no offense but do you guys wanna study together

 

beebo: study?? what is study ?

 

gway: you know that thing where you look over notes so you can pass the test without using pat’s secret fedora powers

 

feorable: im down gee

  

tinybean: me and josh will meet you at the library

 

djspookyjim: it might be a little while

 

beebo: yall gettin it on

 

djspiokyjim: you wish 

 

djspookyjim: no dude were at chipotle

 

tinybean: that kinda counts as gettin it on

 

djspookyjim: yeah ur right

 

fronk: ill study with you ;) ;)) ;));)

 

gway: frank i actually have to study

 

fronk: damn

 

fronk: we can still make out tho right

 

gway: yeah of course

 

fedorable: aw man while we study really

 

gway: ive been friends with you guys for years

 

gway: ive sat through countless peterick make out seshes

 

gway: i was there for the beginning of joshler and brallon

 

gway: not to mention the time YOU ALL MADE OUT WHILE I SAT THERE ALONE

 

bonedaddy: shit you right

 

gway: i think ive earned this one

 

fronk: i think youve earned more than just making out in front of them tbh honest

 

fronk: too bad blowjobs in the library are frowned upon

 

gway: UH YEAH

 

milkyway: i bet frank is eating a banana right now

 

gway: shut up

 

fronk: i am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did ya catch that thanks pete i threw in there :)  
> the banana convo is based on real life. i have weird friends


	19. 27 Jackets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> get it. like the movie 27 dresses.  
> Hello! sorry for the delay once again. my life is slowly crumbling around me haha. hope you like this short little chapter and thank you all so much for the feedback. I LOVE YOU ALL

gway: i bought another jacket

 

milkyway: how many is that? like 73?

 

gway: no dickhead

 

gway: 72

 

gway: jk its like 27

 

djspookyjim: damn that is alot of jackets

 

fronk: i cant even imagine what that many jackets would look like

 

fronk: like if you had to pick up 27 jackets that would take a long time

 

bonedaddy: are they hoodies cause thats understandable

 

tinybean: retweet

 

gway: no theyre all kinds

 

gway: hoodies, denium jackets, leather jackets, windbreakers, parkas, ponchos, rain jackets

 

gway: everything

 

fronk: youre a jacket slut

 

_gway changed his name to jacketslut_

 

jacketslut: yes, yes i am

 

fronk: can i see your closet

 

milkyway: no frank please dont go back into the closet

 

fronk: fuck off

 

beebo: bet you would rather see his bed amirite

 

fronk: lowkey yeah u right 

 

jacketslut: hes seen my bed before

 

beebo: OHH HOHHO

 

jacketslut: NOT LIKE THATH

 

jacketslut: hes been in my room like a million times

 

beebo: yeah but he hasnt seen it seen it ;));;))) ;))

 

jacketslut: who are you

 

beebo: brendon boyd urie

 

jacketslut: fuck off brendon boyd urie

 

beebo: but youd like to fuck frank off

 

fronk: that doesnt even make sense

 

fronk: but whatever it means im down  
  



	20. Bake Them Cookies Lucille

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really want some cookies right now

fedorable: hello friends i am making cookies

 

bonedaddy: BAKE THEM COOKIES LUCILLE

 

tinybean: can i have one:)

 

jacketslut: what kind are they

 

fedorable: i made this announcement to let you know what i was doing not so you could steal my cookies

 

djspookyjim: do u know who youre talking to

 

beebo: pat making cookies and not sharing is a clear violation of the friend code

 

fedorable: what friend code

 

fedorable: we dont have a friend code

 

beebo: we do and youre violating it

 

bonedaddy: pat im bored violate me instead

 

fedorable: come help me make cookies

 

bonedaddy: :(

 

fedorable: ill give you some

 

bonedaddy: :(

 

fedorable: and ill violate you afterwards

 

bonedaddy: :)

 

tinybean: hey if thats what we have to do for some cookies im down

 

djspookyjim: tyler no

 

tinybean: but cookies

 

jacketslut: im with you on this one ty

 

tinybean: gerardddd buddyyyy

 

jacketslut: i gotchu

 

fronk: hey if i cant get violated youre not getting violated

 

fronk: even if you get cookies out of it

 

jacketslut: fine

 

jacketslut: come over then

 

fronk: really ??

 

jacketslut: yeah bring cookie dough

 

fronk: onmyway

 

djspookyjim: oh damn things are heating up

 

beebo: ITS GETTIN HOT IN HERRRR SO TAKE OFF ALL YOUR CLOTHESSSS

 

tinybean: im still not getting any cookies :(

 

djspookyjim: fine

 

djspookyjim: come over then

 

tinybean: really ??

 

djspookyjim: yeah bring cookie dough

 

tinybean: onmyway

 

jacketslut: hey thats plagarism

 

fronk: im suing

 

Dadlon: What did I miss?

 

Dadlon: Wait, cookies. What??

 

beebo: fine

 

Dadlon: ???

 

beebo: come over then

 

Dadlon: What?

 

beebo: yeah bring cookie dough

 

Dadlon: What…?

 

beebo: damnit dallon


	21. RIOT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My catch phrase is "imma start a riot"

jacketslut: can we start a riot

 

fedorable: excuse

 

jacketslut: im in a riot kind of mood

 

beebo: yes fuck it up gerard

 

beebo: lets burn shit

 

bonedaddy: i. am. all. for. this.

 

Dadlon: As your collective father, I strongly advise against this.

 

djspookyjim: honestly i would kind of be down to participate in a riot

 

tinybean: i’ll be in charge of snacks

 

jacketsut: im so glad you guys support me

 

milkyway: im gonna stop you right there

 

milkyway: remember the last time you started a “riot”

 

jacketslut: ...no…

 

bonedaddy: gerard you started a riot and you didnt invite me

 

bonedaddy: thats blasphemy

 

milkyway: he lit a fire in the garage while screaming “lets fucking riot”

 

jacketslut: yes and a successful riot was had by all

 

milkyway: it was literally just you

 

jacketslut: and i had a wonderful riot

 

bonedaddy: dude…

 

bonedaddy: go big or go home

 

fedorable: pete no

 

beebo: pete yes

 

jacketslut: alright

 

jacketslut: pete

 

jacketslut: brendon

 

jacketslut: josh

 

jacketslut: lets fucking riot

 

fedorable: please no

 

djspookyjim: light em up up up

 

milkyway: dont worry patrick im sure it will be as lame as the last one

 

beebo: not if im attending :))

 

Dadlon: Count me out. Brendon I swear to god if you hurt yourself…

 

beebo: who?? me??? never :)

 

tinybean: im bringing orange slices:)

 

 


	22. Too Hot To Handle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if i could i would definitely start a riot right now lemme tell ya

jacketslut: frank were riotting are you coming

 

fronk: omg yeah be there in a sec

 

fedorable: mikey can you please make sure pete doesnt kill himself

 

milkyway: currently they are all sitting around a trashcan full of burning schoolwork

 

milkyway: they look like homeless people

 

fedorable: -__-

 

Dadlon: Is Brendon behaving himself?

 

milkyway: yeah surprisingly

 

milkyway: frank just got here

 

milkyway: FRANK NO WHAT THE FUCK

 

fedorable: WHAT HAPPENED ????

 

milkyway: frank fucking kicked the trashcan over

 

milkyway: AND BRENDON JUST POURED GASOLINE ALL OVER THE PLACE

 

Dadlon: I’m going to kick that boys beautiful ass.

 

milkyway: yeah he just burned the crap out of his hand

 

Dadlon: I’ll be there in a sec.

 

milkyway: he’s screaming “WHERE THE FUCK IS DALLON”

 

milkyway: frank and gerard are making out

 

milkway: and tylers tryng to get everyone to eat orange slices

 

fedorable: WHAT ABOUT PETER

 

milkyway: he’s...taking his shirt off ??

 

fedorable: typical

 

milkyway: and now he’s running down the street

 

fedorable: also typical

 

milkyway: patrick come get ya man

 

fedorable: coming…

 

jacketslut: that was defintely better than the last one

 

fronk: you are welcome

 

jacketslut: my boyfriend is the best rioter <3

 

fronk: ...boyfriend…?:)

 

jacketslut: yes:)

 

fronk: riot boyfriends <3

 

milkyway: how touching

 

jacketslut: fuck off

 

tinybean: brendon slapped an orange slice out of my hand:(

 

tinybean: and now josh wont eat one :((

 

djspookyjim: IM TRYING TO PUT THE FIRE OUT

 

tinybean: but you need to stay energized

 

djspookyjim: ok fires out gimme that slice

 

milkyway: you guys are actually the worst

 

milkyway: update: dal is taking brendon to the hospital

 

tinybean: i guess you could say...that brendon is...too hot to handle

 

djspookyjim: id rather you not say that

 

tinybean: dont worry josh youre...smokin hot

 

djspookyjim: thats enough puns buddy

 

tinybean: you know id say that this riot was...pretty lit

 

djspookyjim: and id say that youre...not getting laid tonight

 

tinybean: well that was a good...burn

 

djspookyjim: give me another orange slice and shut your punny mouth

 

tinybean: well then give me something to do with my mouth

 

djspookyjim: nice

 

tinybean: orange you glad i didnt make another fire pun

 

djspookyjim: im disowning you

 

tinybean: :) <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love lil frank but he would totally pull this type of shit


	23. Listen To Father

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! sorry for the delay! i miss this so much. here's a short little nonsense bridge the gap between ideas chapter. sorry it isnt more ! i hope to be back with a longer chapter soon ! expect some incoming ryan ross ;)

Dadlon: Well, Brendon was released from the hospital.

 

jacketslut: prognosis?

 

Dadlon: Second degree burns on his right hand.

 

jacketslut: you know what they say

 

jacketslut: its not really a riot until somebody gets hurt

 

_beebo changed his name to 2Hot4U_

 

2Hot4U: i sacrificed my beautiful talented hand for the cause

 

jacketslut: thank you bren

 

jacketslut: your sacrifice has been acknowledged and you will receive blessings in bounties

 

2Hot4U: HUZZAH

 

Dadlon: Yeah cause he’s not seriously injured or anything. Let’s just keep joking around and having a good time.

 

2Hot4U: dal… babe…

 

2Hot4U: im ok

 

Dadlon: I told all of you that this was a terrible idea and now you’re hurt.

 

Dadlon: I’m kind of pissed off.

 

Dadlon: Especially at Mikey.

 

milkyway: hey i tried

 

Dadlon: Hardly.

 

fronk: im sorry dallon it was my fault :(

 

jacketslut: im sorry too dal. i shouldnt have started a riot :(

 

milkyway: im really sorry dal:(

 

tinybean: im sorry dad:(

 

djspookyjim: sorry dalpal:(

 

2Hot4U: im sorry too dal

 

2Hot4U: i fucked up

 

Dadlon: At least you all recognize that you messed up.

 

2Hot4U: love you <3

 

Dadlon: I love you too.

 

tinybean: yay it all ok !!

 

Dadlon: Next time dad says that something isn't a good idea, maybe we should listen.

 

2Hot4U: you got it daddy:)

 

fedorable: pete is still running around without a shirt on

 

jacketslut: WHAT?!?! STILL ???

 

fedorable: hes so hype

 

bonedaddy: BETTER BELIEVE IT BABY

 

jacketslut: thats commitment

 

tinybean: its the orange slices

 

tinybean: they energize


	24. Daddy Lessons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i know thats the title of a beyonce song but this has nothing to do with beyonce  
> this is sooooo extra but i felt bad for being gone for so long. take this long and unnecessarily rich in daddy kink chapter as an thank you/apology gift :)

2Hot4U: hey daddy

 

2Hot4U: i was bad

 

2Hot4U: you gonna punish me ;)

 

Dadlon: Yeah I’m gonna punish you. You’re gonna be begging me to stop. Just you wait until I get to your place.

 

jacketslut: guys this is the group chat

 

Dadlon: Oh fuck.

 

2Hot4U: LOLLLL

 

jacketslut: thanks for that unwanted look into the sex life of brallon

 

tinybean: man dallon is so much better at being daddy than josh

 

djspookyjim: ...ouch…

 

tinybean: he says it embarrases him *eyeroll*

 

2Hot4U: dont worry ty he will come around

 

2Hot4U: the daddy is strong with this one

 

tinybean: come on josh i know you could be the best daddy out there

 

2Hot4U: yeah man you have so much daddy potential

 

djspookyjim: thank you i guess

 

2Hot4U: just own it man

 

tinybean: youre the daddiest daddy in the history of daddies

 

2Hot4U: eh i wouldnt go that far

 

2Hot4U: i mean dallon exists

 

djspookyjim: can you not talk about my “daddy potential” in the group chat pls

 

tinybean: what are you gonna do about it ;);;)) ;))

 

djspookyjim: make you stop

 

tinybean: oh yeah?? how??

 

djspookyjim: youll find out soon enough

 

tinybean: maybe i spoke ill of your daddy abilities too soon ??

 

djspookyjim: better watch your mouth next time

 

djspookyjim: guess ill have to teach you a lesson

 

tinybean: yeah teach me daddy

 

jacketslut: ok im gonna vomit if this doesnt stop soon

 

fronk: can we vow to never subscribe to this daddy nonsense

 

jacketslut: yes i do solemnly swear that i will never ask to be called daddy or call you, frank iero, daddy

 

fronk: retweet

 

bonedaddy: will there ever be a day in this chat where i dont have to suffer through the mention of daddy kink

 

2Hot4U: youre just jealous cause you could never be daddy

 

2Hot4U: youre too emo

 

bonedaddy: ..uh no im not jealous. at ALL.

 

bonedaddy: i dont ever wanna be called daddy

 

bonedaddy: i would rather be called literally anything else

 

bonedaddy: and for the millionth time im not emo im punkrock

 

jacketslut: pete you do realize that your name is boneDADDY

 

2Hot4U: GOT EM

 

_bonedaddy has changed his name to pweezy_

 

pweezy: imagine for a second what it would look like if i was giving you the finger

 

pweezy: cause thats what i would like to do right now

 

2Hot4U: aw poor jealous lil petey

 

2Hot4U: and you could never call pat daddy because hes a literal walking ball of sunshine and bunnies

 

pweezy: ok thats true

 

fedorable: thanks 

 

fedorable: pete can i call you peter lewis kingston wentz the third

 

pweezy: i mean thats kind of a mouth full but its better than daddy

 

fedorable: a mouth full

 

fedorable: theres a joke there but im not going to make it

 

2Hot4U: pat is used to having his mouth full

 

2Hot4U: HEYYYOOOO

 

fedorable: thanks for stepping up to make the joke bren knew i could count on you

 

2Hot4U: anytime buddy

 

Dadlon: Speaking of mouth full...

 

Dadlon: I’m here Bren.

 

2Hot4U: oh thank god

 

2Hot4U: all this daddy talk has GOT ME GOIN

 

Dadlon: Let me in so I can take care of you baby.

 

jacketslut: VOMIT TIMES A THOUSAND

 

jacketslut: i just came out to have a good time and im honestly feeling so attacked right now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i bet this is more racy than the new 50 shades of grey movie (yes this is shade towards 50 shades of grey)


	25. All Dressed Up And Nakey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my family makes fun of me for saying nakey instead of naked  
> name update:  
> 2Hot4U - Brendon  
> pweezy - Pete  
> nakey - Josh

2Hot4U: you know what i love

 

Dadlon: Me. :)

 

2Hot4U: yes:)

 

2Hot4U: but also waking up in my underwear

 

Dadlon: I love it when you wake up in your underwear too.

 

Dadlon: That means you’re almost naked. :)

 

2Hot4U: you know its gonna be a good day when you wake up in your underwear

 

tinybean: but what about when you wake up nakey

 

2Hot4U: you know you had a good night when you wake up nakey

 

djspookyjim: tyler said nakey

 

_djspookyjim changed his name to nakey_

 

nakey: youre so damn cute ty

 

tinybean: thanks joshie :) <3

 

jacketslut: tylers such a cute tiny lil precious cinnamon roll

 

fronk: so pure

 

fedorable: we must protect him

 

tinybean: aww u guys are so nice thx

 

2Hot4U: yeah tyjo is all sunshine and daisies until he threatens you with a knife

 

milkyway: excuse me

 

fedorable: tyler??? with a knife?? never

 

tinybean: ok but you hurt my joshie

 

2Hot4U: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

 

nakey: oh yeah i remember that

 

nakey: bren almost dislocated my shoulder

 

2Hot4U: ON ACCIDENT

 

jacketslut: what he do

 

nakey: we were wrestling and he got too rough

 

2Hot4U: i just got too hype it was an accident

 

2Hot4U: and then tyler just comes outta nowhere with a fuckin switchblade or some shit

 

fedorable: um wow

 

fedorable: secret scary tyler

 

fedorable: dark tyler

 

tinybean: dont hurt my joshie or you will pay

 

2Hot4U: dont accidentally hurt joshie or tyler will go all american psycho on your ass

 

nakey: can you imagine how weird it would be if tyler ran after you naked with a chainsaw

 

tinybean: weird ??

 

tinybean: or hot

 

nakey: weird

 

2Hot4U: weird

 

fedorable: weird

 

jacketslut: weird

 

fronk: weird

 

milkyway: weird

 

Dadlon: Weird.

 

tinybean: fine

 

tinybean: everyones gettin stabbed at lunch

 

nakey: even me ?

 

tinybean: yes

 

tinybean: but just a lil bit


	26. Gay Gang

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little background history of the gang  
> and a confession from Mikey :)

pweezy: patrick  !

 

fedorable: pete !

 

fedorable: whats up babe?

 

pweezy: i miss you

 

fedorable: what do you want

 

pweezy: no really i just miss you

 

fedorable: aww<3

 

fedorable: i miss you too

 

milkyway: no offense but why is everyone in this chat disgustingly in love

 

jacketslut: i used to ask myself that very same question

 

fronk: honestly it is a little weird that theyre all dating

 

fronk: like everyone in the friend group just paired up

 

tinybean: dont question it

 

tinybean: it will make your brain hurt

 

pweezy: i mean at first it was just me, pat, bren, gerard, and josh

 

fedorable: yeah and me and pete were already dating when we became friends with them

 

nakey: then tyler came along and stole my heart

 

tinybean: ew josh dont be corny

 

nakey: then tyler came along and turned me gay

 

tinybean: that just sounds offensive and wrong

 

nakey: then tyler came along and we started dating because i was both physically attracted to him and liked his personality ?

 

tinybean: there ya go :)

 

Dadlon: I was added into the chat and ended up dating one of them. It just happens.

 

2Hot4U: lol nice

 

Dadlon: Don’t worry Bren. Youre the only group chat member for me.

 

2Hot4U: better believe it

 

fronk: maybe the group chat is magic

 

fronk: i mean i only got with gee after being added to the chat

 

fronk: i had been trying to get into his pants for years

 

jacketslut: just think of all the blowjobs we missed out on before the chat

 

milkyway: its still weird that everyone in the friend group just became couples

 

2Hot4U: no whats really weird is that were all gay

 

2Hot4U: like think about it

 

pweezy: ...dude…

 

pweezy: yeah

 

fedorable: yeah honestly how did it turn out this way

 

2Hot4U: i guess birds of a feather really do flock together

 

2HotU: especially gay birds

 

fronk: uh.. mikey...you gonna.. or ?

 

jackeslut: uh

 

2Hot4U: excuse

 

milkyway: i didnt wanna spoil their revelations

 

fronk: now or never dude

 

milkyway: uh guys i have a confession to make…

 

milkyway: im straight

 

2Hot4U: WHAT NO WAY

 

pweezy: for real?

 

fedorable: OH

 

nakey: plot twist

 

milkyway: yep its true

 

jacketslut: its ok were here for u bro

 

milkyway: jesus yall are acting like im coming out or something

 

tinybean: you kind of are

 

nakey: coming out as straight

 

fedorable: were here for you in this trying time

 

fronk: no need to be ashamed mikey

 

milkyway: sorry to let you guys down

 

2Hot4U: its ok man were just fuckin with ya

 

Dadlon: Congrats Mikey.

 

milkyway: thanks dad

 

tinybean: man now we cant make tshirts

 

milkyway: ??

 

tinybean: i wanted to make us Gay Gang tshirts

 

milkyway: oh christ

 

nakey: tyler i told you that was never gonna work

 

2Hot4U: dude i would love to rock a Gay Gang tshirt

 

Dadlon: We should put our names on the back.

 

tinybean: good idea

 

nakey: dont encourage him

 

fedorable: lets make them ty

 

pweezy: here for it

 

tinybean: HURRAY

 

nakey: oh no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've always thought it was funny how in multibandom fics everyones gay. Like I'm here for it but if it was real life it would be so funny and uncommon lol.


	27. MILK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes you read that chapter title right. MILK.  
> in this chapter you will see my bitterness towards ryan ross.

Dadlon: Can someone please explain to me why Ryan Ross just threw milk at me.

 

pweezy: OH FUCK

 

Dadlon: I don’t even talk to him. Why would he do something so rude?

 

fedorable: ASLKRFGJWAAJ

 

nakey: uh oh…

 

pweezy: you should probably talk to bren

 

Dadlon: Bren knows Ryan?

 

fedorable: yes

 

nakey: intimately

 

Dadlon: Excuse me??

 

pweezy: they know each other in the biblical sense

 

Dadlon: EXCUSE ME?

 

Dadlon: Brendon, you better get your ass into this chat right now.

 

2Hot4U: fuck

 

Dadlon: Care to explain yourself?

 

2Hot4U: that little dickhead

 

Dadlon: Is it true???

 

2Hot4U: yeah…

 

Dadlon: What the fuck Bren

 

2Hot4U: look it was like 2 years ago and the only reason i didnt tell you is because hes a douche and i didnt want you to think badly of me

 

Dadlon: What happened?

 

2Hot4U: before you i wasnt really the type to be…uh “tied down”

 

Dadlon: Meaning?

 

2Hot4U: i didnt date i just fucked

 

Dadlon: I see.

 

2Hot4U: anyway me and ryan fucked around for like a month and he thought we were dating and when i told him that we werent he uh...didnt take it well

 

pweezy: well thats an understatement

 

fedorable: he went psycho

 

2Hot4U: yeah a bit

 

nakey: A BIT??!

 

nakey: HE SENT YOU A DEAD BIRD IN THE MAIL

 

2Hot4U: ok more than a bit

 

tinybean: to be fair you didnt just “tell him” you werent dating

 

tinybean: you screamed “WERE NOT DATING, WE NEVER WILL DATE, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE” at him in front the entire lunchroom

 

Dadlon: Harsh.

 

2Hot4U: yeah im kind of a dick if u havent noticed

 

Dadlon: I have.

 

2Hot4U: are you mad at me :/

 

Dadlon: No not really.

 

2Hot4U: WAIT REALLY

 

Dadlon: Why should I be? Just sounds to me like you’ve got a jealous kinda ex boyfriend on your hands.

 

Dadlon: and i dont blame you for not telling me about it. The story makes you sound like a terrible person.

 

Dadlon: which you kind of are. But you're also loyal, talented, hot, kind to those you love, and genuine. 

 

2Hot4U: ugh im glad you understand me

 

2Hot4U: i love you so fucking much

 

Dadlon: I love you too Brendon.

 

Dadlon: Wait that still doesn’t explain why he threw MILK at me.

 

2Hot4U: UH GOTTA GO

 

pweezy: trust me dal u dont wanna know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been sitting on this idea for a while. might take it further we will see. sorry if you like ryan and were expecting happy ryan joins the gang cause that aint happening lol.


	28. The Death List

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! long time no see! sorry frens i got really busy with midterms and spring break. heres a short little chapter please forgive me. basically just a setup for a future showdown with ryan ross:)

nakey: whats the news on the ryan situation dal ??

 

Dadlon: As of this morning he is still shooting me death glares when we cross paths. There have been no more attempts to throw dairy products at me.

 

2Hot4U: dont get comfortable

 

2Hot4U: trust me its not over yet

 

milkyway: yo ryans in my class and he legit just made a death list

 

milkyway: like an actual piece of paper on his desk has the title DEATH LIST

 

nakey: whos on it

 

milkyway: Dallon is in first Brendon is second

 

2Hot4U: aw i always knew dallon was number one

 

Dadlon: Why am I number one?? Shouldn’t Brendon be number one?

 

tinybean: because while he still harbours anger towards brendon for breaking his heart, he is currently filled with violent rage towards you dallon because brendon has settled down with you, and not him, after insisting he did not date

 

nakey: well said

 

tinybean: thank you:)

 

2Hot4U: god hes such a little shithead

 

Dadlon: Who even actually makes a death list??

 

2Hot4U: just ignore him

 

2Hot4U: after a few failed attempts at getting us to break up he will go away

 

Dadlon: No fuck that.

 

2Hot4U: dal seriously hes not worth any of ur time

 

Dadlon: You know what, he started this. He’s the one who threw milk on me. Fuck him. I’m gonna get him back. I’m gonna let him know that Brendon Urie is mine.

 

2Hot4U: fuck yeah dallon do it

 

Dadlon: Oh I will. And he is not gonna like it when I do.

 

2Hot4U: good thing lunch is soon cause im so turned on

 

nakey: ill help dal

 

pweezy: dude me too

 

tinybean: OH we should all come up with some elaborate prank to get him back

 

milkyway: im in

 

fronk: did someone say elaborate prank??

 

fronk: count me in

 

jacketslut: me too

 

fedorable: you know what ill join in too

 

pweezy: really babe?

 

fedorable: yeah im tired of that little punk

 

pweezy: awww im so excited to scheme with u

 

fedorable: <3

 

Dadlon: Wow thanks guys. :)

 

2Hot4U: now we have to come up with something that will actually keep him away from me

 

Dadlon: Don’t worry. I’ll think of something. :)

 

2Hot4U: dallon get over here right now before i just start jerking off in the hallway

 

nakey: GOD NO PLEASE NO

 

fedorable: i think that would be counterproductive to the whole get rid of ryan ross plan


	29. This is a Setup

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY IM SO SO SORRY ITSBEEN SO LONGGG

Dadlon: Hey Bren do you know Sarah Orzechowski?

 

2Hot4U: yes..?

 

Dadlon: How do you know her exactly?

 

2Hot4U: shit godamn

 

2Hot4U: is she bothering you now too

 

Dadlon: I wouldn’t say bothering exactly…

 

nakey: shes being increasingly petty

 

2Hot4U: ???

 

Dadlon: She may or may not be putting notes in my locker.

 

tinybean: buy notes he means threats

 

2Hot4U: i am so tired of this shit

 

2Hot4U: dal im so sorry

 

Dadlon: No it’s ok. I think we can make this work. *Insert evil smiley*

 

2Hot4U: im still sorry

 

2Hot4U: and i love when you do the evil smiley ;));) ;)

 

Dadlon: Good to know.

 

2Hot4U: sarah and i had a brief fling and she got it in her head that i cheated on her

 

fedorable: ok but didnt you sleep with jared while you were dating(?) sarah

 

2Hot4U: ok first of all jared is amazingly attractive i wasnt just gonna tell him to get his hand out of my pants

 

2Hot4U: second of all me and sarah werent dating...we were friends with benefits

 

fedorable: youre such a terrible person

 

2Hot4U: fuck you

 

Dadlon: I see. Hmm…

 

pweezy: ok jared is really hot tho

 

fedorable: oh so if jared had his hands down your pants you wouldnt tell him to get his hand out of your pants either??

 

pweezy: of course i would my little cabbage

 

pweezy: but you cant deny that jared is smokin

 

fedorable: ok youre right

 

2Hot4U: yes yes he is very hot, super smokin, one could even say he is a perfect ten

 

2Hot4U: but he gives terrible hand jobs

 

fedorable: go d d a m n i t

 

2Hot4U: dal youre not mad are you??:(

 

Dadlon: No of course not. I will never judge you for your past sexual encounters. I know you’re committed to me now and that we love each other. That’s all that matters. :)

 

Dadlon: And I give really good handjobs.

 

2Hot4U: you are literally the most perfect human alive

 

Dadlon: Hey thanks.

 

pweezy: ugh barf

 

2Hot4U: OMG PETE I LOVE U SO MUCH U MEAN SO MUCH TO ME ILL NEVER LET U GO PETEY

 

pweezy: EW FUCK OFF

 

2Hot4U: BUT PETE I LOVE U SO MUCH I JUST WANT U TO KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE AND APPRECIATE U

 

pweezy: PATRICK HELP

 

fedorable: but pete i love you so much and want u to know how much i appreciate you too

 

pweezy: AHHHHHHHHHH

 

2Hot4U: HAHAHA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can u guess who jared is


	30. Phase 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this has been a long time coming  
> i was stuck for so long

Dadlon: Ok, so I know it’s been awhile since we have talked about this, but I think i finally have the master plan ready to go.

 

2Hot4U: ITS GO TIME BABY

 

fedorable: wait so everything is ready??

 

Dadlon: Yep. Everything is in place.

 

tinybean: me and josh are on standby for phase one dal

 

pweezy: im all set for phase 2

 

jacketslut: me and frank are ready for phase three

 

milkyway: i have “befriended” the enemy are we are walking down the hall… josh and tyler ur up…

 

tinybean: ok we decided on “yeah the partys tonight at petes, everyones going except dallon hes out of town” right?

Dadlon: You got it buddy.

 

nakey: and im supposed to reply with “sick i cant wait to see what brens surprise is” ??

 

Dadlon: Indeed.

 

tinybean: it is done

 

milkyway: he totally fell for it

 

milkyway: just asked me if i was gonna go to petes

 

Dadlon: Excellent.

 

2Hot4U: dal still wont tell me the whole plan :((

 

fedorable: for good reason

 

pweezy: its ur surprise brendon it has to be a surprise ;)

 

2Hot4U: fuck surprises

 

Dadlon: Don’t worry baby. You will be happy with the outcome.

 

nakey: alright me and ty just spread the word about the “party”

 

pweezy: let phase two commence

 

Dadlon: See you all tonight. :)


	31. Phase 2 & 3

pweezy: all right gang! the house is full of our fellow school mates! there is plenty of alcohol! phase 2 is complete! and gerard and frank are primed for phase 3 !

 

Dadlon: Mikey, are you with the target?

 

milkyway: aye aye captain

 

Dadlon: Send him to the back.

 

milkyway: on our way

 

pweezy: ways on his way hehe

 

jacktslut: ready to recieve the target

 

fronk: locked and loaded

 

2Hot4U: DALLON WHAT KIND OF FUCKERY IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW

 

Dadlon: The Plan.

 

2Hot4U: WHY IS SARAH HERE U KNOW I HATE THAT BITCH

 

Dadlon: She is a part of The Plan, my sweet.

 

2Hot4U: what the fuck is going on like really

 

jacketslut: target has been recieved

 

fronk: phase 3 is commencing according to plan

 

2Hot4U: are you guys telling me that all 8 of you have been scheming and planning for like two months and this is what you came up with?!?? getting my spurned ex-lover together with the girl I supposedly cheated on ????

 

Dadlon: You hate Sarah, Sarah hates you, Ryan hates you, now Ryan likes Sarah.

 

2Hot4U: theres no way this is gonna work

 

fedorable: oh yeah then why did they just go upstairs together

  

pweezy: damn that was fast

 

Dadlon: Two negatives make a positive, I figured if I could get them together then they could forget about you.

 

nakey: kind of genius actually

 

tinybean: they really are terrible humans

 

jacketslut: a match made in hell

 

2Hot4U: well this has been very disappointing

 

2Hot4U: I thought yall were gonna like go all Carrie on his ass with like milk or maybe trick him into thinking he was gonna sleep with one of yall and then stealing all his clothes

 

2Hot4U: you know something humiliating

 

Dadlon: Sorry to disappoint but I felt like this was more of a final solution.

 

2Hot4U: youre probably right but it wasnt as satisfying as humiliation >:(

 

nakey:  i suggested we stinkbomb his house if that makes u feel better

 

2Hot4U: aw thanks buddy it does

 

Dadlon: This way he will leave us alone forever.

 

Dadlon: Or at least until he and Satan break up.

 

Dadlon: Which will hopefully never happen.

 

Dadlon: Oh did I say Satan...I meant Sarah.

 

fronk: im kind of sad that the scheming is over now

 

jacketslut: back to the grind fellas

 

pweezy: grind…

 

fedorable: no

 

pweezy: GRIND

 

nakey: i cant tell if hes referring to dancing or skating

 

nakey: i support u either way

 

pweezy: IMMA DO BOTH 

 

fedorable: thats my boyfriend everybody <3

**Author's Note:**

> Pls give feedback. Compliments, hate mail, requests, love notes, passing remarks, song lyrics, a poem, anything.


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